Dad Jokes
Updated · Jokes and Puns editorial team
Quick answer: This page gathers clean dad jokes with real punchlines, the kind that make a table groan and then smile. You will find long jokes, short ones, lines for texts and captions, question-and-answer jokes, jokes for kids and a few safe to tell in the office or the classroom.
Best Dad Jokes
- I only know twenty five letters of the alphabet. I don't know y.
- I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.
- I'm afraid for the calendar; its days are numbered.
- I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
- Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon? Great food, no atmosphere.
- I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.
- My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo. I had to put my foot down.
- I'm reading a book about anti gravity. I can't put it down.
- I would avoid the sushi if I were you. It's a little fishy.
- Why did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field.
- How does a penguin build its house? Igloos it together.
- What's brown and sticky? A stick.
- I know a lot of jokes about unemployed people, but none of them work.
Short Dad Jokes
- I'm on a seafood diet. I see food and I eat it.
- Hi hungry, I'm Dad.
- Dad, did you get a haircut? No, I got them all cut.
- I used to be a banker, but I lost interest.
- Want to hear a pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy.
- The shovel was a ground breaking invention.
- I'd tell you a construction joke, but I'm still working on it.
- Parallel lines have so much in common. It's a shame they'll never meet.
- I once ate a clock. It was very time consuming.
- A bicycle can't stand on its own because it's two tired.
Dad Jokes for Texts and Captions
- I tried to catch fog yesterday. I mist.
- I used to play piano by ear, but now I use my hands.
- The man who invented the door knocker got a no bell prize.
- I just found out I'm color blind. The news came right out of the green.
- I'm terrified of elevators, so I'm taking steps to avoid them.
- Singing in the shower is fun until you get soap in your mouth. It's a soap opera.
- Is this pool safe for diving? It deep ends.
- A pencil with no eraser is pointless.
- What's the best thing about Switzerland? I don't know, but the flag is a big plus.
- I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
Dad Jokes With Answers
Why can't a nose be twelve inches long?
Because then it would be a foot.
What do you call a belt made of watches?
A waist of time.
Why did the golfer bring two pairs of pants?
In case he got a hole in one.
What's orange and sounds like a parrot?
A carrot.
How do you organize a space party?
You planet.
Why do cows wear bells?
Because their horns don't work.
Dad Jokes for Kids
- How do you make a tissue dance? Put a little boogie in it.
- What do you call a sleeping dinosaur? A dino snore.
- Why did the picture go to jail? It was framed.
- Why can't you give Elsa a balloon? She will let it go.
- What did one wall say to the other? Meet you at the corner.
- Why did the student eat his homework? The teacher said it was a piece of cake.
Dad Jokes to Share at Work or School
- I told my boss three companies were after me and I needed a raise. He asked which ones. I said gas, electric and water.
- My boss told me to have a good day, so I went home.
- Why did the math book look so sad? It had too many problems.
- Why did the teacher wear sunglasses? Her students were so bright.
- I asked my coworker if he'd like to hear a joke about paper. Never mind, it's tearable.
- What do you call a meeting on a boat? A sea of ideas.
- My coworker said I was too negative, which I thought was a very positive thing to say.
- Why was the broom late for work? It over swept.
Frequently Asked Questions
What makes a dad joke a dad joke?
A dad joke is a short, clean joke with an obvious pun or twist, delivered with total confidence. The groan from the audience is part of the fun, and the joker is usually proud of it.
Why are dad jokes so popular?
They are easy to remember, safe for every age and quick to tell. A good one needs no setup, so anyone can pull one out at dinner, in the car or at the office.
How do I tell a good dad joke?
Keep it short, say it with a straight face and pause before the punchline. Do not explain it, and when the groan comes, smile as if you have just won the room.
Are dad jokes suitable for children?
Yes. Clean dad jokes are some of the best for children, because the wordplay helps them learn how language works and gives them something to repeat to friends and family.
